If you are dating or thinking about dating someone who has lost their spouse, you may be wondering how you can tell whether they are truly interested in you. You may be confused about their intentions, and you may worry that they are simply looking for a replacement for their spouse.
In this article, we will tell you how to work out whether their interest is genuine and how to look for evidence that they are taking things seriously.
One sign that a widower is ready to move on is when they aren’t spending considerable periods of time talking about their former partner. It’s natural for their late spouse to be on their mind, but if they are dominating the conversation, they may not be ready to move onto the next chapter. Another sign that they are ready to move on is that they are now talking about the present and future more than the past. They may be talking about things they want to do in the coming weeks and months, could be planning holidays, buying pets, and more. If someone doesn’t seem overly enthusiastic about committing to anything serious but is ready to arrange more dates with you, it’s best to try and take things slowly. People often take dating slowly when they have experienced bereavement. In fact, it’s normally more concerning if they are taking things quickly as this can be a sign they are trying to block out their grief. One thing you can do is to let them know you are happy to take things at their chosen pace. When you date a widower, it’s normal for weeks to elapse between dates.
If a widower does seem to be rushing things, this could be because they are scared to be lonely. This is natural. After all, chances are they haven’t been on their own for a long time. If you feel they are taking things too fast, let them know you feel no need to rush and that it’s best for both of you to take things at a relaxed pace. It’s sometimes a good idea to aim for a friendship at first so you can see if things blossom into a more romantic arrangement. They can also spend this time making more sense of their loss and become more prepared for a proper relationship. One sign that a widower is ready to date is when they start introducing you to their friends and family. Many widowers avoid doing this in the early stages as they don’t want to offend their loved ones, who may say they are moving on too soon. If someone seems overly eager to take things to the bedroom, this is also a sign that they are not over their former spouse. You should certainly wait until you are both ready before you take things to this level. If someone frequently tells you they are still grieving their late spouse, this is also a sign that they are not ready for a new relationship. Remember, actions speak louder than words. It’s not enough for someone to simply say “I love you” – they need to back this up with evidence that they truly care for you.
Some people find it hard to talk to widowers. Concerns about causing offence can result in people feeling tongue-tied, not knowing what to say. Sometimes it’s best to just say something simple such as “I’m sorry,”; “I can’t image what you are going through,” can also be effective. One of the reasons for this is that people are often offended when others suggest that they can feel their pain. Everyone’s experience of grief and bereavement is different, so acknowledge that their pain is unique to them. It’s important to show that you are there for them and to acknowledge their pain without saying you know how they feel. You can also ask them if there is anything that you can help with. Chances are there are many necessary tasks that they don’t feel ready to attend to. These can include housework, shopping, and other activities. Don’t try to force your company on them, but let them know you are available if they do want to talk. Some people want to spend time alone when they are going through a bereavement, whilst others prefer to be with friends and family. Let them know they are in their thoughts. People want to know they are not going to be forgotten when they are going through the loss of a loved one.
If you are in the process of writing a sympathy card to express your condolences, you may be worried about penning the wrong thing. Fortunately, there are things that you can say that are unlikely to cause offence. Tell them you are there for them, let them know you can’t imagine the pain they are going through but will do all you can to help and write something complimentary about the person that they have lost. Let them know that they will also be missed by others, including you.
Many people find it difficult to communicate with people that have recently lost a loved one. Dating someone who has experienced bereavement can also be challenging. Don’t be offended if someone is curt with you after the passing of their spouse. If you have started a relationship with someone who has lost their partner, try to take things slowly even if they tell you they are ready to move on. If they really are ready to move on and start a new relationship, this will be backed up with evidence. Remember, actions speak louder than words. As long as you take it slowly and don’t rush into any big decisions, there’s every chance a relationship with a widower or widow will be a good one. Many like-minded widows and widowers have profiles on our online dating site.